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Table of Contents | Every Woman Ever Written (By a Man)

My story came when I was only sixteen. I should say that I was your typical American teenage girl. I was short, attractive, and morbidly obese. I was out late one night on my rascal, travelling down the street after a stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I had just finished three double downs, as was my typical nighttime snack after dinner, and was heading home so that I could watch another episode of My 600-lb Life.

I was about six blocks away from my house, and it was about 9 pm. It was that time after the sun had set, but it was still light enough that you could see in front of you. Plus, if it got dark, my rascal had headlights on it so I could just turn those on.

It was at this moment that I noticed there was a white van that appeared to be following me. I got a really bad feeling about this van. I had been reading stories online about women who get abducted. I live in Ohio, you see, and it’s considered the center of America’s sex trafficking ring. Women like me were kidnapped all the time and forced into prostitution. Suffice it to say, I was really scared when I saw this van.

I twisted the knob all the way and set my rascal at full blast. I was heading down the sidewalk at nearly 10 miles an hour. It was really scary at such high speeds, and I feared I’d fall off. I knew if I fell… well… I wasn’t getting back up again. That was also quite scary.

Yet, no matter how fast my scooter went, the van continued to follow behind me. It was at that moment that the worst possible thing could happen. There was a sudden pop… and then smoke started coming out of the motor for my unit. I had blown out another rascal. These guys apparently have a weight limit on them, but what normal American girl could stay below that?

As my rascal slowed to a stop, I found myself trapped. I was only three houses away from my home, but it might as well have been three miles. I carefully put my feet down on the sidewalk, but I have weak ankles, you understand? So, I couldn’t really move fast. It was just as I got to my feet that the van pulled up beside me.

A man pulled down the window and looked out at me. He was a bald man with a beard, and his eyes seemed a bit scary like he might be on something. This instantly put up a red flag for me. I feared for my life. I’ll never forget the first words that came out of his mouth toward me.

“Damn, you’s a fat bitch.”

“Excuse me?” I responded, pretending I didn’t hear him.

“Would you like me to give you a ride home?” He changed what he said.

However, I heard two voices behind him, as if someone was having a conversation in the back. This immediately raised my hackles. Everything about this felt wrong. I was a young, attractive, sixteen-year-old girl, and here was a strange man who wanted me to get in the back of his van. It was clear to me then that he had nefarious purposes.

Since there were three men there, they may try to rape me. You need three men, you see, two to hold up the flat folds so the third guy can get in there. Well, other girls like me get it. Anyway, there was a sufficient number of men to take care of the job, so that only freaked me out further.

“No!” I cried out. “I’m good.”

As soon as I said this, his face turned dark, and all of the hospitality on his face disappeared like a waitress on my tenth serving at an all-you-can-eat place.

The sliding door of the van burst open, and three men in black ran out. I’d liked to say I screamed and struggled, but all I could do was look at them like a cow in headlights. The three men grabbed me and then tugged. Then they tugged again. The fourth guy got outside of the car and went around to my back and started pushing. Only then did they successfully start dragging me to the van.

They were very rough, and while they wrangled me into their van, they said nasty, dirty things to me.

“Fuck, my back!” One of the guys hissed in my ear.

I could still remember the smell of his breath. I could tell he had just eaten at McDonald’s. It was a Big Mac and a medium… no… small fries. He got it without pickles. Only a monster eats a Big Mac without pickles. I was being dragged away by monsters. After fifteen minutes of struggling, they had finally pushed me into the sliding door.

“She’s stuck!”

“Just slam her in!”

Two strange men were touching my butt now, one on each cheek as they shoved with all their might. I was now being sexually harassed! I couldn’t even imagine what they planned to do next.

When the door slammed shut behind me, the driver got back in, and they started to take off. By this point, I was breathing hard, and my heart was pounding in my chest. It wasn’t because I was terrified, but because the walk from my rascal to the van had taken all I had out of me, even with the assist.

While I struggled to get my breath, the men in the car with me teased me and said nasty things. They said that they made money “by the pound” and they were going to strike big with me. They said something about me and food, and I realized what they wanted me for.

They wanted to force me to do one of those eating youtube videos. They’d record me stuffing my face with food while rubbing my belly, and then sell it to men on the internet! I was in for a life of food-stuffing pornography! I began to cry, but not a sound came out of my mouth. On the other hand, my nervous flatulence kicked in at this point. With each silent sob came a resounding “brrrrrp!”

“Stop… agh… it’s in my eyes!”

The foul stench filled the van, causing all of my kidnapper’s intense distress. They ended up pulling over and running out of the van. As they did so, they left the sliding door open. Their actions seemed noticeable enough that this caught the interest of a passing police car, which turned on its lights and pulled over.

“Shit, it’s the cops!” One guy cried out.

“Where is the gun!”

“Under her big ass!”

Two of the men bolted, instantly causing the cops to become alert and pull their weapons. One guy tried to pull the gun out from under my butt. At this point, I realized it was my only chance to escape, so using all of my last energy, I pushed forward. I ended up popping out the side of the van like a jack in the box, but since I didn’t have my balance, I ended up stumbling and falling forward. There, I landed on the man who had been trying to get the weapon.

I couldn’t remember much after that. He struggled under me for a few minutes, but eventually, he stopped. At some point, a cop peeled a knife, a gun, and a mask off my ass. Those were the items these guys intended to use on me! I was so scared.

It took a crane and the firemen to get me back to standing position a few hours later. I only found out once they got me off the ground that the man under me had been crushed to death hours prior. I had been lying on a dead body the entire time! It was definitely the scariest event of my life.

I couldn’t even imagine what would have happened to me if those cops hadn’t shown up when they did or I hadn’t eaten all those onions. A warning to all my fellow teenage girls, make sure your rascal is properly charged, and when it doubt, drive two, one for each cheek.

Table of Contents | Every Woman Ever Written (By a Man)