Every hoe down in hoe-ville liked XXXmas a lot…

But the Simp, Who lived just north of hoe-ville, did not!

The Simp hated XXXmas! The whole XXX-mas season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one knows the reason.

It could be his cock wasn’t working quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his pants were too tight.

But, I think that the most reason of all

May have been that his dick was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, his dick or his pants

He stood there on XXXmas Eve, hating the hoes,

Staring down from his mancave with a sour, simpish frown,

At the red-lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every hoe down in Hoeville beneath,

Was busy now, being used as some guy’s cock sheath.

“And they’re hanging their sexswings!” he snarled with a sneer. “Tomorrow is XXXmas! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his simp fingers nervously jacking it, “I MUST find some way to stop people on XXXmas from cumming!”

For tomorrow, he knew, all the hoe girls and fuck bois,

Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their sextoys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!

Noise! Noise! Noise!

That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!


Then the hoes, young and old, would lay down to fuck.

And they’d fuck! And they’d fuck! And they’d fuck!


They would feast on hoe-pudding, and rare spit-roasted dick.

Which was something the Simp couldn’t stand, it made him sick!

And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!

Every hoe down in Hoeville, the tall and the small,

Would get close together, like IT gets close to Georgie

They’d stand hand-in-genitals. And the hoes would start an orgy!

They’d orgy! And they’d orgy! And they’d ORGY!


And the more the Simp thought of this hoe XXXmas orgy,

The more the Simp thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”

“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!”

“I MUST stop them this XXXmas from cumming! But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! A perverted idea!


“I know just what to do!” The Simp laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Pimp hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Simpish trick!”

“With this coat and this hat, I look like I have a giant dick!”

“All I need is a Pimp mobile…” The Simp looked around.

But, since mobiles are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Simp? No! The Simp simply said,

“If I can’t find a Pimp mobile, I’ll make one instead!”

So, he called his dog, Rex. Then he took a strap-on,

And he tied a big shlong on the top of his head.

THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,

On a ramshackle ride And he hitched up old Rex.

Then the Simp said, “Giddap!” And the ride started down,

Toward the homes where the hoes lay asnooze in their town.

All their windows were drawn. The smell of sex filled the air.

All the hoes were all dreaming naughty dreams without care.

When he came to the first little house on the square.

“This is stop number one,” the old simpy pimp hissed,

And he walked to the door, empty bags in his fist.

Then he lockpicked the door. A rather useful skill in a cinch.

If any pimp could do it, then so could the Simp.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his dick in the lock, and he broke right on through.

Inside the sex room, the Simp looked around.

“These chains,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”

Then he slithered and slunk, with the smile of a ghoul,

Around the whole room, and he took every tool!

Butt plugs! And dildos! Massagers! Whips!

Nipple clamps! Penis Rings! Vibrators! And Genital tips!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Simp, to get rid of this eyesore,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, out the door.

Then he slunk to the fridge. He took the hoes’ pick!

He took the hoe-pudding! He took the spit-roasted dick!

He cleaned out that fridge as quick as a flash.

Why, that Simp even took their last wallet of hoe-cash!

Then he stuffed all the stuff out the door with some sass.

“And NOW!” grinned the Simp, “I will stuff it up my ass!”

And the Simp grabbed his ass, and he started to shove,

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small hoe!

Little Waw-chan Hoe, who was not more than eighteen.

The Simp had been caught by this tiny Hoe slut,

Who’d got out of bed to quickly rub one unseen.

She stared at the Simp and said, “Pimp, why,”

“Why are you sticking things in your butt? WHY?”

But, you know, that old Simp was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

“Why, my sweet little thot,” the fake pimp lied,

“I sat on something wrong and it went up my butt.”

“So, I’m going to the hospital, my dear.”

“They’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”

And his fib fooled the bitch. Then he patted her head,

And he pulled up her skirt and he fucked her in bed.

And after Wawchan hoe came on his dick like a whore,

HE pulled out the condom he had left unwore!

Then the last thing he took was a dump on their floor!

Then he went out the door, himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some chains.

And the one speck of cum that he left in the house,

Was a spooge pile that was even too small to impregnant a mouse.

Then he did the same thing to the other hoes’ houses

Leaving semen much too small for the other hoes’ mouses!

It was quarter past dawn… all the hoes, still a-bed,

All the Hoes, still asnooze when he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their sex toys! The dildos! The lubricant!

The plugs! And the zappers! The clamps! The pills!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Slut,

He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!

“Pooh, Pooh to the Hoes!” he was simpishly humming.

“They’re finding out now that this XXXmas there will be no cumming!”

“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,

Then the hoes down in Hoeville will all cry BooHoo!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Simp, “That I simply MUST hear!”

So, he paused. And the Simp put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow.

But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded rauncy!

It couldn’t be so! But it WAS rauncy! VERY naughty!

He stared down at Hoeville! The Simp popped his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every hoe down in Hoeville, the tall and the small,

Were fucking! Without any sextoys at all!

He HADN’T stopped them on XXXmas from cumming! They CAME!

Somehow or other, they came just the same!

And the Simp, with his Simp-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

“They came without vibrators! They came without dildos!”

“They came without lube, butt plugs or photos!”

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Simp thought of something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe climaxing,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a drawer.”

“Maybe for XXXmas…perhaps… cumming means a little bit more!”

And what happened then? Well…in Hoeville they say,

That the Simp’s small dick grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his dick didn’t feel quite so light,

He blew out his load with a built-up might,

And he brought back the toys! And the chains for the orgy!

And he, HE HIMSELF! Stopped being a Simp and plowed the whole hoe-city!

Merry Christmas!!!