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He did it again. No matter how much I bath, I can’t seem to wash away the things he’s done. I’m dirty. Always dirty. He’s the one who has made me this way. He always just gives that hateful grin, uncaring and malevolent. He likes to humiliate me. He likes to hurt me. I wish I could take my life, but even that right has been taken from me. It doesn’t fit with his rules.

Fortunately, he doesn’t know about this. This is my only freedom. This is the only way I can express myself. No matter what he does to me, I have to greet him with a pleased smile. Only here can I truly reveal the true story. This is my story.

You’re probably confused. A sad story where a stupid drunk girl was sexually assaulted because she was stupid. I get it. I was stupid, and I did end up sucking the cock of a man I didn’t know, who had pretended to be my boyfriend and then manipulated me. I felt like garbage after that. I found myself wondering how I could face my boyfriend again. As it turned out, he called me only a few hours later. At this point, I had finished crying and was in a fetal position on my bed.

When I got the phone call, I had a small panic attack. Why was that would-be rapist calling me? Or… was it really my boyfriend after all? The only way to know was to answer. I desperately needed answers. I clicked pick up and lifted the phone shakily to my ear, listening on the other line without saying a word.

“Hey, I’m sorry about everything.” It was my boyfriend’s familiar and soothing voice.

The slightest tinge of hope shot through me, but I decided to be careful about asking. “Brad… did you… come to my dorm tonight?”

“Ah… no? Not since I left this afternoon. I can come in the morning if you want.” All of that hope was snuffed just like that.

“N-no… it’s fine.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I’m really tired. I need to go.”

I quickly cut him off and hung up. He hadn’t been there. He had his cellphone now. I wondered if the other guy had deleted our texts before giving it back to him. The other guy… that was right, a stranger had been in my room. A stranger had touched me. I had sucked his dick.

There was another wave of sickness. In the bathroom, I made sure no one was there and then lifted my shirt. My breasts were covered in bruises, and there was a noticeable bitemark. There was also a hickey on my neck, but I don’t even remember getting it.

The next day, Brad came, but I didn’t answer him. I ignored any text he made. They couldn’t be trusted. I kept wondering about the strange man. Would I ever find out who he was? He really could be anyone. By Saturday night, I had to leave the dorm, if for no other reason then to get some food. However, as I walked through the campus, I eyed every guy I saw suspiciously. Any one of them could have been my assaulter. It left me absolutely terrified.

I went to the school’s cafeteria and picked up a small lunch. It was at that point where I felt like someone was watching me. I looked around, but I didn’t see anyone looking my way. Yet, I still had the feeling of eyes on me. It unnerved me to the point that I fled and returned back to my room. When I opened the door, I noticed a manilla folder on the floor. I picked it up and glanced inside, and my body went cold.

Inside the folder were pictures, and those pictures were of me with a cock in my mouth. It was the previous night. I didn’t even realize he had taken a picture. I must have been too drunk or too focused to notice. In the image, I had the head of his cock in my mouth and my head was tilted up. I had a blindfold on, but the image was unmistakably me. This bastard was screwing with me! I felt rage at first, but then I felt uneasy and worried.

A short note fell out as I was glaring at the printed picture, so I picked it up and looked at it. My heart began to sink as I read it.

I’ve always wanted you. If I knew you were so easy, I would have had you sooner. You’re mine now. If you don’t want daddy or him to find out, then you must make me happy. There is some mail waiting for you at the desk. Wear it tonight. Leave your door unlocked.  

-Your Admirer

Too many thoughts danced through my head at one time. First off, how he signed his name. I suddenly had a recollection of my time in high school. Could this seriously be the same guy?  Did my high school stalker follow me to college to make my life a living hell? It had to be. The way he wrote had changed, but it was also similar. Furthermore, he signed in the same way.

On top of that, he was now blackmailing me! If he sent that to my father, I would be in deep shit. I remembered that old story about the woman who broke up with her ex-boyfriend by taking pictures of herself sucking her new boyfriend’s dick. Then, he sent it to her dad with the letter, ‘College is fun, send more money.’ I could easily see this bastard doing something just as awful and cruel.

That didn’t even speak to my boyfriend, who would be devastated if he saw this. I had put him off so many times because I didn’t feel I was ready. The first time I put out, and it ended up being with another guy? Even if I told him the truth, there is no way he’d be able to look at me the same way again. I felt absolutely trapped.

I called the front desk, and low and behold, I did have a package waiting for me. I picked it up, feeling dread every step along the way. Once I returned to my room, I opened it up and looked inside. I didn’t feel like I could sink any lower but seeing the contents of the box did it for me. It was an incredibly skimpy piece of lingerie. It was in my size. He knew my size. It also was embarrassing. The breasts showed right through the fabric, and there was a slit in the crotch.

I wouldn’t wear this in front of my boyfriend even if we got married. This was something too erotic for even my honeymoon. I’m sorry, but I’m just not that kind of girl. Sex really did scare me. Perhaps that’s why when I thought it was my boyfriend in my room, I so readily went for a blowjob, to ensure nothing else happened.

Should I call campus security? The cops? I was so afraid. I decided that it was best to call the cops. I had been foolish last night, but now things were becoming serious. I had to report it. I was embarrassed. If I brought a police officer into my room, it would certainly cause issues. So, I took all of the evidence and met him in the parking lot.

The police car drove up, and then I got into the passenger seat. “H-hello…”

The man sitting in the driver’s seat was an older man with a mustache. He looked me up and down, seemingly unhappy. He didn’t seem sympathetic or even curious about my statement. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, the police officer finally spoke.

“Me and guys back at the station were having a bet if you’d actually show…” He responded, his lips twisting into a slight sneer.

“E-excuse me?”

“You really need to stop this.” He responded, shaking his head. “You’re an attractive woman, you don’t need to punish an ex-boyfriend by defaming him.”

“What? I don’t-”

He rolled his eyes and cut me off. “Your acting is good, I admit it, but after receiving a call or a letter a week since September, we’ve had enough. We’ve checked into the guy. He’s clean. In fact, he’s been showing us all of the stuff you’ve been sending him for months. Emails. Text. Nudes in the shower. You’re obsessed, lady. You need to face it.”

“N-no… that’s…” I shook my head, growing more and more confused.

“Look, I’m not going to arrest you. I should… but frankly, I feel a bit sorry for you. I get it, breakups can be hard. As long as I don’t file this report, then I won’t have to arrest you for making false allegations to the police. You understand?”

“Y-yes…” I didn’t, I didn’t understand at all.

“Then, take whatever evidence you’ve conjured, go back to your dorm room, and seriously think about moving on with your life, okay?”

I got out, a box filled with lewd lingerie and blackmailing letters, and the police car drove away just like that. I felt completely numb. This wasn’t just a sudden thing. This was months and months of preparation. He had made it so that even the police wouldn’t trust me. The campus security would probably be the same. I wanted to collapse in the parking lot and break down crying. Instead, I managed to make it back to my room before I collapsed into a heap of tears again on my bed.

Before I knew it, the sun was falling. It was Sunday night, and this guy was planning on barging into my room again. He wanted me to wear that thing. It had been two days since my drunken BJ, so he had dutifully waited for my fake period to end, and now he was going to finish the job. If I didn’t do what he asked, he threatened to ruin my relationships and my life.

I wasn’t some stupid idiot though. I knew that if I gave in to his demands, things would only get worse. That’s not to say I was smart. Perhaps, the smartest thing to do would have been to confess to my boyfriend and my parents and gain their emotional support. I feel so stupid for not doing that in hindsight, but I was so afraid at the time. The only thing I could do was hide under my covers with the door locked.

I stared at my watch all night, dreading the moment that he starts to turn the handle. As it past midnight, a night of stress and exhaustion started to take hold. My eyes just started to flutter closed. It was only then that the doorknob started turning. I heard a thump on the door, and my heart immediately started racing. I went from almost asleep to wide awake in seconds. However, I felt frozen, unwilling to leave the safety of my covers. I felt like a small child hiding from the boogeyman in her closet. Except, I knew that my monster was real. He knocked heavily on the door three times.

Then, the doorknob stopped shaking. There was silence. I let out a long breath. Was it over? Could I finally return to my normal life, starting tomorrow? He might still send that picture, but I couldn’t stop that. I felt relief flood over me. It was like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. What happened would happen. I no longer had to live in fear.

“Hey, let me in!” A female voice suddenly came from the other side of the door.

I jumped at the noise, but I recognized the person immediately. It was my roommate. She had been gone all weekend. Since it was Sunday night, it was about time she got back. If she didn’t, she would definitely be missing classes tomorrow.

“Brandi?” I asked, raising my voice.

“I forgot my keys. Can you open the door?” She asked.

I felt even more relief. My roommate was nowhere. Normally, the two of us didn’t get along that well, but the stranger definitely couldn’t try anything with her here, even if he wanted to. I felt some comfort in those numbers. Plus, my roommate was a party girl at heart. She was someone who wouldn’t judge me even if I did suck some stranger’s dick. She knew how to deal with creeps. She’s dealt with all kinds, from people squeezing her butt to guys even slipping stuff in her drink. She had a lot of street smarts. If I told her about my problems, she’d definitely be able to help me or at least provide a sympathetic ear.

I tossed my blanket aside, feeling alive again for the first time in two days. I walked over and unlocked the door, throwing it up immediately.

“Girl, you should be more careful! I have a story for-“ My expression froze when I saw who was on the other side of the door.

It was a guy. He was wearing a hoodie and his face was hidden by a vizard that covered his nose and mouth and seemed to be a part of the hoodie. I went to scream, but he lunged forward and covered my mouth before I could. I felt something cold on my throat. He had a knife! That stopped my yell. With that, he casually stepped in and closed the door with his foot. Then, uncovering my mouth slowly, he locked the door behind him, but his eyes never left mine.

They were dark brown, and they seemed to shake with an intensity. In fact, the entire guy seemed to be shaking. It gave me the impression he was on something, like a drug.

“You’re not wearing my outfit.” His expression twisted angrily.

Any less shred of hope seemed to die with that. As stupid as it sounded, I would have preferred if this was a random robber holding a knife to my throat, rather than the man from Friday. Yet, referring to it, there was no choice now. I barely managed to keep from peeing myself. I was so afraid that my body was shaking with fear. It wasn’t the same way he shook. His movements were more like he was excited and eager.

“No matter.” He said after a moment, his eyes relaxing. “You opened the door, at least, so that I won’t punish you too much.”

“Y-you tricked me!” I responded, but my voice came off poutier than the cold and defensive attitude I wanted to present.

“Oh?” He cocked his head. “How did I do that?”

“You used my roommate’s voice? I thought I was opening the room for her!”

He must have recorded her saying those lines and then played them back on the phone. I already knew that he had planned things out with the police. It stood to reason he had even gone this far. Why had I opened the door? I had been so hopeful my roommate returned; I had just popped it open without a thought.

“Hehe… however, you want to justify it.” The crinkle in his eyes showed he was grinning widely.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Heh, it may be tough for you to accept, but I did no such thing. I don’t even know your roommate. You opened that door because you wanted to let me in. I only used my own voice from the beginning.

“N-no… it was my friend!” My eyes danced wildly.

“Or… maybe, subconsciously, you really wanted me? Maybe, you only tricked yourself into hearing her voice so you’d open the door for me, because, in the end, you really do want this.”

“Impossible.”

I clenched my teeth and gave him a grimace. There was no way that was true. However, I was tired and stressed, and he spoke certainly, for a brief moment I doubted my own ears. Had I really opened the door even though he was talking with his own voice? Had I done this to myself because subconsciously I want to be punished? No… he’s just trying to confuse me!

“Since you’re not in the underwear I got for you, take off your pajamas.” He ordered.

When I hesitated, he pushed the metal object against my neck. I could feel the cold edge pressing against me. It was sharp. He really would cut my throat if I didn’t comply. It could no longer be called blackmail.

“I can’t do it with that thing on my neck,” I said, saying each word through clenched teeth.

“Oh?” His smile grew, and then he pulled back.

I saw the handle of his knife as he slipped it back up his sleeve. He then stepped back, and stood directly in the way of my exit, right in front of the door. He crossed his arms and cocked his head.

“Strip.” It came out like a command.

Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at the window. The blinds were down, and my dorm was on the 2nd level. If I ran to it and started banging on the glass screaming for help, what are the chances someone would come to save me? Not before he stabbed me a dozen times, that was for sure. I could see the news tomorrow morning. A college girl stabbed to death in her dorm room. No leads.

When dealing with aggressors, they always told us to cooperate and wait for an opportunity to escape. Even if I have to sacrifice things, like my dignity… or my virginity, it was worth it as long as I could keep my life. That meant, I had to comply with his words if I wanted to see tomorrow morning.

My hands were shaking as I started to pull off my clothing. This was the most horrendous and horrible event in my memory. I had never been so afraid or humiliated. I took off my shirt first, and then my pants. When they dropped down, he chuckled.

“You really are a little horny slut.” His words sounded like he meant it as praise.

I didn’t know what he meant until I looked down and saw a wet spot on my underwear. In my fear, I had peed a little. However, to this pervert, there wasn’t a difference.

“There…” I said, standing in my dorm room in my underwear as I had done hundreds of times, but feeling cold and numb this time.

“The underwear too!” He responded, touching his sleeve to remind me of what he could do to me.

I bit my lip, but I still brought my hands behind me and undid the bra. I let it fall to the ground. I then pushed my underwear over my hips, let it fall past my knees, and then kicked it away. Using one arm across my chest, and the other in front, I attempted to cover myself in front of this creep.

“You’re better than I imagined.” He said.

His words were like ash-flavored icecream. They were the kind of words any girl wanted to hear a guy say when he saw her, but coming from this bastard, it made my body feel grosser. When he suddenly took a step forward, holding out his hands, I stepped back in fright. He gestured with his fingers, telling me to approach him.

I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t even if I wanted to. The best I could do was keep from running away. After a minute, he started moving towards me again. As soon as he reached my body, he grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from my private parts, forcing me to reveal myself. His eyes roamed around my body, savoring the look with a perverted gaze. My eyes closed, as I didn’t want to see that revolting look for another second.

Click.

He had tugged out my arm, and suddenly I felt cold steel press on it. I let out a cry, afraid he was trying to cut my wrist. However, when the clicking sound finished, I opened my eyes to see there were police cuffs on my hand. He pulled me to my bed, and then click the other side onto the bed. I was now handcuffed to the bed, and there was no way I could escape.

This next part will have to wait. I will explain it all in detail. It may horrify some of you. It may even excite others. I feel I must be as detailed as possible. The only way I can deal with what has happened to me is to share this experience with you. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. I’m going to go for now. He’ll be home soon. He likes it when I wear one of his costumes. If I please him and he had a good day, he lets me enjoy some icecream. It’s the only sweetness in my life.

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