It’s Not Easy Making Money In the Apocalypse – V6 - Chapter 12

“Relax, you look good.” Jacques smirked my direction.

“I feel ridiculous.” I pulled at the assortment of bones that made up what could barely be called an outfit.

My midriff was exposed and every step caused the bones to rattle. I had bones wrapped into my beard, hanging from my neck, and also my wrists. Stealth was completely out of the question in this kind of outfit. It stood out and was showy. Only an idiot would wear this kind of outfit in the wasteland.

“Some raiders look ridiculous.” Pick responded.

He wasn’t wearing an outfit at all. The clothing he had come in was acceptable enough.

“When I snuck into the raider rally before,  I just used some stuff Jeri made to make me look on drugs.”

“Not all raiders use drugs.” Jacques sighed. “That’s just a myth. Some raiders are just savage, or crazy…”

“Why do I have to appear as a crazy one? I can look like I’m on drugs.”

“Because mon amis. Reason 1!” He flashed a single finger my way. “Drugs would require you to act, and the more you have to put on an act, the more likely that action is seen through. As soon as you refuse an offer of drugs, or react in a way people don’t expect, your cover would be blown.”

“But…”

“Reason 2!” He cut me off, flashing his second finger. “Those that are high on drugs are usually at the bottom of the raider hierarchy. Those who need drugs to thrive are emotionally vulnerable, and thus easy targets. Unless they have connections, they’ll most likely become another raider’s bitch, who will then proceed to use drugs to keep them in check as a subordinate. Our plan is to rise to the top, and if you’re too busy fighting off everyone who is trying to bring you under their control, then we’re just wasting our time.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I hadn’t thought about it before, since the Fire Ravens had been one of those groups who did drugs all the time, I had thought it was normal for raiders. However, they were also the button feeders of the raider world. They weren’t part of larger bands and could only keep their mouth shut and their head down when dealing with them.

“The third reason.” He spoke quieter, bringing up his third finger. “Marsh and some of the other members of the Cock and Balls have met you before. If we didn’t change your appearance in such a drastic matter, then there is a chance they’d recognize you, especially as you garnered more of their notice.”

“Isn’t that the reason I should be on the sidelines?” I grimaced, scratching at the facial hair and causing the bones to clack.

“Stop scratching that!” Jacques slapped my hand away. “Do you know how rare and difficult it is to find Allhair Instagrow? I spent a pretty penny on this disguise for you. With that big bushy beard and those goggles, no one is going to notice you.”

“And why is my stomach exposed? What if I get stabbed or shot?”

“Pull the ribbon around your neck. Yes, right there.”

I pulled out a bow, and suddenly a rolled-up stick of bones unrolled, covering my stomach with a plate of bones. Jacques looked at it proudly.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“What?” Jacques asked innocently.

“This isn’t going to deflect a bullet!”

“Quit whining, boy.” Pick cut-in. “Every raider these days has a gimmick. Jewelry, bones, shrunken heads… if you don’t do something to get yourself noticed, then you’re going to be ignored. Given your youth, it’s believable that you’d be an idiot in bone armor. Raiders do whatever makes them feel cool, and you fit the part of a wannabe.”

“Do I even look that young?” I grumbled, resisting the urge to tug on my beard again, but he had already convinced me with the first part.

I didn’t even know why I was complaining. I had wanted to get into the Allco R&D in the first place, and I didn’t trust these guys enough to stand on the sidelines while they went in and potentially got the first pick on the technologies that I needed or wanted. Of course, I didn’t plan to share anything I didn’t have to either. As much as Jacques claimed we were a team with the same goal, I knew that it was every one of us for ourselves. Once he got me through the door, I would do what I needed to do regardless of his presence.

“Come on, it’s through here,” Jacques announced.

We had been walking for about fifteen minutes. Jacques didn’t walk down the middle of the street. He moved from building to building. He seemed to have the area mapped out in a way I never even considered. Sometimes, he’d have us step out a window, while other times we would climb up a partially collapsed fire escape. Yet, no matter how decimated the path appeared, he seemed to always find a means of continuing forward from building to building.

A few of those buildings had even been occupied by mutants. I could hear their cries and grumbles echoing through the building. Different mutants had different shrieks, although I didn’t have enough experience to tell the difference. Most of them were ferals anyway, zombies from the beginning of the apocalypse.

Although one would expect that after a zombie apocalypse, zombies would be everywhere, it had already happened several decades ago, and stronger mutants and humans had continued to work within the city. The result is that the feral population wasn’t as prevalent as it might have otherwise been. Even beasts and revenants would kill ferals on sight. Modern ferals typically hid in dark places and only came out to hunt at night. That’s why it was safer to travel indoors at night, and why Jacques decided to do it this way.

Jacques got on the floor and started crawling. At this point, Pick moved without questioning him, so I did as well. The three of us crawled under a collapsed structure that didn’t quite touch the ground. I wasn’t claustrophobic, but even I struggled to crawl through that. The ceiling could collapse at any time, and I even heard it groan slightly after Pick accidentally kicked it with his foot. I thanked myself for the first time for my relatively small form, although the beard was a massive hassle. I still couldn’t believe it was a part of my face.

As we emerged from the other side, I let out a hiss. Standing right before us was a creature. It looked more like a skeleton than a human with dried-out skin stretched over its skull and white, dead flesh

“Feral!”  I started to grab my weapon, but Jacques put a hand on my arm.

The feral looked at my hand and then sneered, its teeth showing car more with the receding gums.

“What, you’ve never seen a fiend before?” He spoke in a raspy voice. “It seems like the raider selection gets stupider every year.”

Hearing his voice, I relaxed slightly, but only slightly. He looked similar to a feral, although ferals looked more decayed and less skeletal. I supposed there were a few differences. It looked more like a desiccated mummy without the white wrappings. This meant he was one of the mutants. I had seen beasts and revenants, but I had never encountered grunts, fiends, or skinwalkers before. I had heard grunts were like goblins. It turned out this is what a fiend was.

“I thought this was a raider group, not a place for mutants,” I responded, trying to play the part of a raider.

“Is that what you thought?” The creature snorted. “You might want to get your ists and phobes out fleshy before you join a major raider group. Raiders believe in freedom above all else, and that means working with other people of all shapes and sizes.”

“Just ignore my friend, a feral ate his girl recently, and look at the guy, he doesn’t get a lot of dates.” Jacques declared while throwing me a warning look.

I could only shrug back. I didn’t think that raiders would need to watch their mouths. Thankfully, Jacques’s words seemed to improve the fiends move. He let out a barking laugh.

“Heh, you’re all ugly to me, but I agree, he’s a bit uglier. Finding a woman willing to sleep with that is hard business. You don’t need to worry about fiends though. Most of us get along with humans. Well, other than skinwalkers, we’re the only other ones that don’t feed on humans.” He slapped me on the back. “I went without sex once too. It’s frustrating. I’ll tell you what, if you pass the test and get in, I’ll hook you up with a hot young fiend. Why, she even has a thing for ugly fleshies like you.”

A fiend? Wouldn’t that mean she’d look like a skeleton like this guy?

“Th-that…” I tried to keep my face straight as Jacques glared at me. “S-sure… thing, thanks!”

“Haha, that’s a lad!” He slapped my back.

I said I would do what I had to do to get into the Allco R&D, but that might be a bit too much.