Man of the House - The Man of the House – Chapter 30

Abigail left shortly after we finished. She did make sure to give me some recipes I could follow as well as some advice to finish them. I wanted to hang out more, but she strangely seemed eager to leave. Perhaps, she was worried about being caught here when Mackenzie came home. If Mackenzie started bullying her again, I’d definitely have to butt in. She left the outfits with me, which I stuffed under my bed, not sure I’d ever wear any of them unless she bugged me to.

I wasn’t too worried about her leaving early, though. We planned to meet that very night again with Dawn. So, I only had to wait a bit. Like every night, I scooped out the dishes and then sat at the table. The girls seemed to show up arbitrarily to eat whenever they felt like it. Depending on the activities they had after school, some got home while I was cooking, while others arrived just as I was serving.

“Hey, Noah, this is getting almost as good as you were,” Kelsey spoke up in between mouth fulls. “For a bit there, I thought you lost your cooking skills with your brain damage, but ow…”

Kristy casually elbowed her in the side. “Noah’s food is always good.”

“What? I was just saying!” Kelsey complained while rubbing her side, even after facing dirty looks from both Mackenzie and mom.

“So, you’re coming back to school on Monday?” Kristy ignored her sister and asked me a question. “You’ll be riding the bus with us, right?”

“Of course, he will,” Mom suddenly spoke up. “Why wouldn’t he?”

“Huh? I thought he might be getting a ride with his new girlfriend?” Kristy stated.

Her words were like an explosion across the dinner table. Every fork hit the plate, and every eye ended up looking my way. I was just as stunned as them, as I didn’t expect them to know anything. Even calling Abigail, my girlfriend was a bit soon. I mean, she might consider me her boyfriend, but for a pervert like her who looked up people’s shorts for a living, I didn’t take her all that seriously.

“Noah’s dating someone?” Mom’s voice sounded slightly hostile, causing my alarm bells to fire off.

“Eh? I heard he was dating that girl he used to hang out with—Samantha,” Kristy said worriedly.

“Samantha?” Mom’s eyes narrowed.

“You’ve met her. They used to hang out when they were little.” Trying to shoot me an apologetic look while speaking to mom with a calming voice. “She’s a good girl, I think.”

“Where did you get that we were dating?” I blurted out, still too surprised to think clearly.

“Ah… just rumors at school. You’ve been gone all week, but I heard Samantha got in big trouble…” her voice broke, and she shot me a look.

I immediately understood what the nature of said rumors would be. Thankfully, Kristy had the tact not to mention them in front of mom.

“That’s right!” Kelsey suddenly opened her mouth. “Samantha was caught in bed with some boy- ah!”

Leave it to Kelsey to not be able to keep her mouth shut. Kristy shot her a look, and even Kelsey had the decency to blush.

“What!” Mom’s face was really angry now.

“Ah… that’s just what I heard… I never spoke to Samantha or anything!”

“You shouldn’t believe rumors,” Dawn suddenly spoke up. “Besides, brother is dating someone else right now, I think…”

She was trying to help by deflecting the rumors away from me being in bed with Samantha, but that was pushing the rumors to me being with Abigail, which would be just as bad. I tried to shoot her a subtle look to shut up. She got the gesture, but so did every other girl at the table.

“That’s right!” Bethany called out. “He’s dating that girl who hit him with the car!”

This time, it was like cold water was doused over the table. A third girl had been brought up. Here I was, thinking all of my actions were going unnoticed, and it turned out my sisters had all been watching me. Furthermore, there were already rumors flying around school, and I hadn’t even been there a day yet.

The silence covered the table for a few minutes while we slowly ate in silence. Of course, I didn’t open my mouth to reveal a single word of the truth. How could I even tell the truth? I had been fornicating with any number of women lately. If I admitted this to anyone, it would assuredly bring me a great deal of trouble. For some reason, I felt like Abigail might be the most dangerous subject. Although Mackenzie hadn’t contributed to the conversation, she was glowering right now. Since Dawn hadn’t said Abigail’s name and was immediately supported by Bethany, it’s possible she hadn’t considered that.

Who was I kidding? She knew that Abigail had come over to the house at least twice this week. If she wasn’t at least suspecting that Abigail might be the actual girl I was dating, then she definitely wasn’t Mackenzie. I could only keep eating in bitter silence, hoping the meal ended quickly, so I could hide in my room. Unfortunately, it was clear mother had been thinking about what she heard and wouldn’t let it drop so easily.

“Noah, dear…” Mom’s voice was a bit too sweet, causing my hackles to rise. “Is there any girl you happen to be dating right now?”

Everyone stopped eating again, and I felt like I wanted to cry. In the past, I was ignored. Not a single sister, let alone my mother, would have cared about my life. The policy was that as long as I didn’t get a girl pregnant, I could basically do what I wanted. That wasn’t true. I’m sure I wasn’t allowed to take a girl into my bedroom, but regrettably, there was never an opportunity in which I could test that out. Still, I went from being basically ignored to being the center of attention. Why was my life suddenly so interesting to my sisters? I could feel them all eagerly listening for my answer, so I needed to tread extremely carefully.

“Samantha is just a friend…” I responded slowly. “And so is Anna.”

I was very careful not to even mention Abby. However, Dawn shifted, and I think Mackenzie noticed I was keeping something back.

“Anna?”

“That’s… the um… the girl who hit me with the car.”

“So, London was right. You were hanging around with her…” Mom sighed. “Is this one of those things where guys like to date girls who are dangerous?”

“Mom…” I shook my head slightly. “I just asked her for a favor to repay me for the incident. It’s not anything important.”

“Still…” She frowned. “I think we should probably have the sex talk.”

“Mom!” Mackenzie cried out.

“It’s too late for that…” I muttered.

Kelsey nearly spat out her drink.

“What is that?” Mom’s face flushed angrily again.  

“Y-you… and I already had it!” I responded defensively. “Remember? All women are scum?”

“Is that seriously what you told him?” Mackenzie growled.

“Ah… right…” Mom blushed, remembering the conversation we had about half of a week ago, where she spoke about her affair. “I meant, we needed to talk… I mean… more… the mechanics.”

“Oh, Jesus…” Kelsey started giggling.

“Mom!” Mackenzie shot mom a look.

“Well! He needs to learn! And his mother should be the one to teach him how his body works.”

“No… Just no…” Kristy was shaking her head.

“You’re the last person who should be telling a boy how his body works!” Mackenzie continued to chastise.

“Hey, bitch! Are you saying it’s because I haven’t gotten any in years?”

“Oh, my, god… Mom, you’re so embarrassing.” Kristy covered her face.

Kelsey thought it was hilarious, though, covering her mouth as she kept herself from bursting out in laughter.

“Actually, I thought it was because you’re really old,” Bethany whispered, causing Dawn to bark out a laugh that she quickly covered with her hand.

“Mom! I don’t need to know about your sex life!”

“Well, at least I’ve had one!” Mom shot back. “None of you girls can give him a proper talk.”

“I-I’ll give him the talk,” Mackenzie said.

“What does that mean?” Mom narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying you’ve been with some guys recently?”

“I-I haven’t!” Mackenzie blushed. “But… I’m the oldest so…”

No one was giving me a chance to speak up. I was sixteen! You’d think I was twelve by the way they were talking. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as everyone was giving out their thoughts on the subject.

Mom sighed. “Well, if we’re going by age and experience, London is naturally the most experienced. I’ll ask her to swing by this weekend. She’s a med student, so she can definitely do it in the least embarrassing way.”

“Guys, I’m sixteen!” I finally managed to break into the conversation. “I don’t need a sex talk!”

“Honey, don’t get so worked up, it’s just a talk. It’s healthy for teenagers to talk about sex.”

“Can I talk about sex?” Kelsey asked, a wide grin on her face.

“No one wants to talk about your sick fantasies where you eat a guy’s ass.” Kristy snapped at her.

“Kristy!” Mom admonished.

“The hell! I told you that in confidence!” Kelsey yelled.

Kristy turned away shamefully, realizing her comment had been a bit bad. She had been looking to get back at Kelsey for some of her comments, but it was clear by her expression that she had felt she went a bit too far with that one.

“Sorry…”

“Besides… I’m into spanking now.” Kelsey suddenly added.

“Kelsey!” Mom turned her glare on the other twin.

“It’s still butts…” Bethany said.

“Hey!” Kelsey puffed her chest out proudly. “What can I say? I’m a woman who likes guy butts!”

Mackenzie slammed her hands on the table, causing their laughing to silence. “Can you girls stop acting like this at the dinner table? You’re making brother uncomfortable.”

“Eh?” I blinked. “But, I like girl butts.”

The dinner table went silent again, Mackenzie’s attempt to curtail the conversation exploding in her face.

“B-brother.” Kelsey looked at me with bright eyes. “I’ve never loved you as much as I loved you right now.”

This time, I did blush. Kelsey had never told me she loved me in her entire life. To suddenly say it in the middle of a meal, that was far more embarrassing than talking about ass. The other girls broke into snickers, except Mackenzie, who had a sour expression on her face.

“H-hey, Noah, who has the nicest butt here?” Bethany asked.

“Isn’t it mine?” I responded.

This time, even Mackenzie smirked as the girls burst out laughing.

“He’s right, you know,” Mom chuckled mischievously.

“Mom! Stop looking at your son’s butt!” Mackenzie admonished.

“Hey! You don’t count!” Kelsey shook her head. “You got to pick one of us!”

“Fine…” I looked around as the girls all watched me. “Mackenzie.”

“M-me?” Mackenzie gasped, glancing away from me, her previously angry expressions vaporized in a second.

“What? I was sure it’d be me!” Kelsey cried out. “I do all those squats, so my ass is nice and toned!”

“Yeah, but that makes it hard. I like something round and soft.”

“M-my butt is round. The guys at school say I have a bubble butt!” Kristy said, adjusting in her seat.

“Well, your butt has no tone at all, it comes off a bit flabby.”

“F-flabby butt!”

“What about my butt?” Bethany asked.

“Small.”

“Fuu… it’ll get bigger!”

“Maybe you should take a look at my butt.” Kelsey was getting out of her chair and bending over. “I think you’re missing the brilliance…”

“Okay, all of you! I agree with Mackenzie. Stop with this talk at the table!” Mom finally broke in, putting an end to the quickly declining conversation.

Kelsey sat back down with a grumble, and all of the girls finally quieted down and finished their meals. However, Mom had a slight smirk on her lips that betrayed her attempt to act mature. In reality, all the girls were smirking and hiding giggles. I was as well. In a moment, my entire family seemed to unite over a single concept. Butts were funny. This truly showed I was from another world. After all, I ended up at a table with six women immaturely giggling while discussing asses.